Forgiveness

So I had this really funny post being written but I guess I have something more important to talk about - forgiveness.

I know that I've been preachy lately but there were good reasons behind it - but today I have a different message. I was sitting at a concert tonight - Tyrone Wells - and it was absolutely amazing - but the final song he sang as an encore. He turned off the mic and stepped out of the spot light to sing right in front of us. He sang a song about giving forgiveness because you never know what your life will be tomorrow and if you die and walk over a bridge - who would you want to be waiting there for you. I don't' want to go through life angry - that's just not who I am.... and it really hit home - bringing tears to my eyes because it's so true, I'm going to put all the lyrics down below but check out Tyrone Wells because all of his music is amazing and inspired - I went on Itunes right away and bought a ton of it. I honestly pray that I remain with this mind set. I don't want to regress. I've really been thinking about this topic since Wednesday - on Ash Wednesday the gospel and homily was all about forgiveness and I knew I would eventually write a post about this but Tyrone pushed me to. Before the concert began I got to meet him because I am a part of the group that sponsored him coming to our campus and his is such a sweet, genuine person - as well as an amazing person. So now I will leave you with his amazing and inspiring words.

When all is said and done
And I'm looking back upon this race I've run
And when my heart gives in
I know you'll be beside me precious friend
It's just the same from the beginning to the end
When all is said and done

And if I lose my way
And I wander down this open road for days
And if the sun should fall
And the dancing we once did becomes a crawl
Let the momories move like shadows on the wall
If I lose my way

When I'm coming home
And I walk across the brisge of death alone
I will fix my eyes on the one whos waiting at the other side
It's my old friend with countless others there beside
When I'm coming home
When I'm coming home

When all is said and done
And I'm looking back upon this race I've run
And when my heart gives in
I know you'll be beside me precious friend
It's just the same from the beginning to the end
When all is said and done
When all is said and done
~Tyrone Wells - "When All Is Said and Done"

Love and Hugs to All,
Chrissy

Days until London: 81
Doctor Who Episode: season 3 episode 9 - "Blink"
Shots of Espresso: 20

Random Lyrics and a Quote

I forgot to put lyrics on the last post but the lyrics really need their own post so here's you goes!

Did I say something stupid?
There goes one more mistake
Do I bore you with my problems?
Is that why you turn away?
Do you know how hard I tried
To become what you want me to be?
~Allison Iraheta - "Scars"

So I have been in LOVE with her music since Tyler Oakley mentioned her in a fiveawesomegays video the other day - I had totally forgotten about her! I also love the song "Robot Love". Also there is a quote that has struck me lately:

The only reason people hold on to memories so tight
is because they are the only things that don't change,
when everything & everyone else does.
~Anonymous

Yes these do pull into my life quite well. I sent a mistake text last night and it took a lot to not just keep texting the person - it comes so 2nd nature. And I miss him... but i can't put myself in that situation.

OH and you already got the counts so I'm not going to repost them ;)

Math Sucks

I know that it seems all I do is complain and vent on this blog lately and for that I apologize but I need to get this out so I don't freak out.

I hate my tenth grade honors geometry teacher. He completely screwed me over. I believe that teachers are supposed to nurture their studetn's learning and help them when they struggle - especially when they fail. Instead my teacher told me that I wasn't trying - and when I went for help - either wan't there or didn't give me other ways to understand the problems. He even told my parent's that I never asked for help and that I didn't try in his class and that's why I was doing so poorly. The opposite was true and I ended up getting in trouble with the parents. From then on math and I never had a good relationship. I had terrible nightmares about failing the class. After I finally did pass the class I never took another regular math class - did take stats but that's a different type of math.

Basicallly today I had to do geometery in my college level math class and that confusion and helpless feeling came right back... I dont' know. I just don't konw how I'm going to hold it together this unit if I don't even get the basics... I guess I will just have to wait and see...

Well off to take my math test - hopefully this will go well so I have leeway with this next chapter.

Much Love and Hugs,
Chrissy

Days until London: 84
Doctor Who Episode: season 3 episode 9 - "Blink"
Shots of Espresso: 16

Positives Are Pulling Me Through

She said I won the battle but I lost the war,
And now my head is sore,
And if I try and sail back in she's gonna push me from the shore,
Now I wont ever get the time or day,
No way no way no,
Not from what I said but from what I didn't say
~The Script - "If You See Kay"

I've been waiting to write this post for a while. Now I could give you the whole - I've been too busy excuse - which is partially true. But more likely it's the - I have no idea how to word this post.

I've been really hurt the last couple of weeks but something really good seems to have come out of if. Is it possible that I've grown a backbone?? I mean seriously. This person is the one person I used to no be able to get mad at. I was so used to apologizing - even when it wasn't my fault but for once I am perfectly happy with the way I handled it. Sure I miss him but you know what - if someone thinks that little of me and my feelings then maybe that person doesn't actually mean as much to me and he used to. While the simple lie by omission I would have probably gotten over - even the first excuse he gave I could have taken and eventually been okay with - after time.

But he made me into some incredibly selfish person when he described how he thought I would react. I want the best for my firends - no matter how it affects me and my friendship with them. And by the way - I have no idea why this thing he kept from me would have effected us. After two days I was done crying - if he thinks I'm that bad of a person then why is he even friends with me? Why keep up the charade - there's plenty of other people in my life that accept me the way I am and love me for it. Maybe the friendship we have is just in my head - the way I remember it in high school. Even up until break I would tell him everything I was thinking - or feeling - and maybe that was my downfall? Maybe he didn't actually care. But I could have taken that if he came out and said that to me.

I'm just kinda done - I've said that to my roommate Sarah a couple of times. I'm done apologizing for things that I didn't do. I'm done masking my emotions from people. I'm done crying over people who don't care about me. I'm just done.

If this person apologized - like really apologized - not just saying sorry - then maybe I would "get over it"? But for now I'm standing strong. And you know what - it feels really good to be the strong one for once. As much as it hurts - at least I have some form of control - I won't let myself be put back into a situation where I am kept in the dark again - if I can help it.

The sad thing is - some really great things have been happening in my life recently and I want to put them in here but i think they would be overshadowed by some of the other things I've said. So I will leave it at this - I leave for London and Paris in 95 days with one of my best friends - how much better does it get? My roommate and I are closer than ever. My best friend from grade school Laura and I are hopefully seeing each other this weekend and she is coming up to stay for the weekend soon. I'm going home this weekend to just hang with my family. My birthday is in 24 days. And I found the perfect internship for the summer. I'm focusing on the positives from now on. End of story.

Much love and hugs to all,
Chrissy


Days until London: 95
Doctor Who Episode: season 3 episode 7 - "42"
Shots of Espresso: 12