Some Thoughts/Memories Need to be Positive

I could just delete you
With the click of a button
You wouldn't even feel it
There's no reason to need you
You only exist in Cyberspace
~ALL CAPS - "Delete You"

I HAVE SO MUCH TO SAY!!!

I keep thinking about posting here but now I finally have the time.

I was going to write a whole long post about my trip to Omaha but really I will just write a paragraph cause I don't think you want to read that. I had an awesome time with my cousins and our Dads. We watched Big Bang Theory all the way down there and all the way back so that was really fun. Too bad for icky homework - I worked on my paper about how people present themselves on the internet (I will be posting about this topic soon on this blog - probs later this week). We got to Omaha - had awesome texmex food and basically collapsed from being tired but not before we watched Twilight and made fun of it. On Saturday we went to the Omaha Zoo which is AMAZING! Ate at an INCREDIBLY sketchy hamburger place. We also went to a Creighton baseball game. Sunday we just went to church and then brunch (they played Josh Groban CDs the WHOLE time we were there!). Then headed back. This is a really bad recap but seriously I had a blast and am so glad I got a chance to hang out with my cousins!

Yesterday was a very strange day. I had my math class canceled - which was AWESOME. So I then had no excuse to skip this lunch hosted by much high school faculty in my college cafeteria. IT WAS SO STRANGE! Basically all the faculty from my high school invaded the caf and it was bizarre! And not exactly in the bad way? I was super worried about it being awkward but it wasn't at ALL. I saw so many of my favorite teachers from high school. Spent a lot of time with the 2 teachers I TAed for senior year and hugged some of the people who I forget effected my life so much. I think sometimes when I reminisce about high school I only remember the bad times and yesterday reminded me of some really kick ass times and some really amazing people who changed my life and taught me so much. Anyways I was really glad I went and had a great time.

So today I am supposed to be working on my ten page research paper about the internet and instead I am procrastinating ON the internet... oh dear. I FINALLY got my ALL CAPS cd in the mail today and LOVE IT! I am especially a fan of Delete You - probs because I've had relationship just like it. Even though I have heard most of the songs on the cd already I cannot wait to go home and put it in the car so I can drive around with the windows open and sing to it!!! Gosh I love ALL CAPS! I am also contemplating putting one of their stickers on the front of my computer... we'll see if I decide to do that.. hmm...

Well back to the paper - or more procrastinating ;D

Love to All,
Chrissy

Days until London: 31 - that's a freaking MONTH!
Doctor Who Episode: I AM TOTALLY CAUGHT UP AND YES I NEED TO WRITE A POST ABOUT THIS SOON!!!
Shots of Espresso: 39

Who is Taking Over :D

For the first time, i dont feel it
Like I’m all alone in this, with no one by my side
I’ll stand my ground, no more running
Cause I am ready now, not scared of any fight
~Ministry of Magic - "Together Forever"

If you follow me on twitter you will notice that I have been incessantly tweeting lately. I have watched a TON of Doctor Who in the last few days and let me just say - WOW! I haven't been all that impressed with season 3 and especially wasn't fond of Martha Jones but the last episode totally won my heart over. Maybe it was cause she found a person to love rather than hopeless pining but either way it made me really happy! - I was even happy to see her reappear in Season 4. OH SPOILER!!! I was SOOOO ridiculously excited to see Rose in the first episode of Season 4!!!! I really want her to come back!

I'm super tired but there are a few more things I want to include. I am super happy to have someone to share my nerdiness and addiction!! My friend Sandy is now just as addicted to wizard rock as I am so that is really nice! And she has seen all of the doctor who episodes so she is pushing for me to finish/catch up before the new season starts in April. Also I found out that there is an actual Dr. Who STORE in London so that is definitely something I will have to check out when I am over there!

I getting sleepy (said in a creepy hypnotist voice) but I wanted to add that I am doing research for a communications paper about teenage girls and weblogs - much like this one (Though thank goodness I am no longer a teenager). It is proving very intersting. Before this blog I had two other xanga accounts so it's interesting to even looking at how my blogging style has changed as well as how I like to represent myself on the internet. I will probably post more of my findings on this blog as I continue to discover new things.

OH and I have to write 2 book reviews next time: Scarlett Fever by Maureen Johnson and Dear John by Nicholas Sparks. - It will be a big post next time!

Much love and hugs,
Chrissy

Days until London: 48
Doctor Who Episode: season 4 episode 4 - "The Sontaran Stratagem"
Shots of Espresso: 33

To Do... and To Avoid

I remember, our software was compatible

I think I felt my circuit board ignite

You held my hand in your metallic grip

We may be machines but I’m in love tonight

~ALL CAPS - "Don't Unplug Me"

Things I Need to Do Today:

• Read for my Sociology class tomorrow
• Prepare to re-start Practicum this week
• Write a mini lesson plan for reading, writing educ. class
• Study for my comm test on Thurs.
• Clean my desk and room

Things I Did Today:

• Laundry (which I did need to do)
• Listened to the newest DFTBA radio podcast
• Painted my nails very bright pink
• Hung out with Jenna
• Contemplated not doing my homework...
• More procrastination
• Bought 2 t-shirts from Delia's
• Listened to ALL CAPS music
• Decided to write this Blog
  

So basically productivity FAILED today. My roommate is working all day so really nothing is getting done in my room and no one is yelling at me for it - haha. I really didn't have much to say in this blog... just wanted to write my random lists. I LOVE the two shirts I bought today though. One is blue and has One Fish Two Fish Red Fish Blue Fish on it - drawings and all! and the other is pink and says Tweet Heart! SO adorableness! THis is why I need to get off their email list cause Delia's keeps sending me discounts which cause me to buy more stuff....

I really need to get ready for church but if something else interesting happens I will post that later. Oh and no YouTube for lent is really going well. I'm down to 1 video a day and some days I dont' even do that so pretty awesome! I do really miss it though :(

Love to all,
Chrissy

Days until London: 58
Doctor Who Episode: season 3 episode 9 - "Blink"
Shots of Espresso: 29

Oh! Spring Break!

I can't quite find the words
but you listen and get it anyway
'cause who would've thought two nerds
would get to have their day

and I pretend it's not a big deal
and you don't make a fuss
but I almost let out a squeal;
you changed your relationship status
~ALL CAPS with Alan Lastufka- "Summer of '09"

So first off I am addicted to the new ALL CAPS album and it isn't even out yet... but that is another story - well actually a segue into the actual story. When Lent started I decided to give up YouTube. Now this started as a total joke with my roommate but now it's a sort of challenge. The first week I gave myself 10 minutes a day (usually around 11pm). The next week I limited that again and now I am down to one video every other day. It really is a test of my self control as well as my devotion to Lent and sacrifices. I usually use YouTube as a procrastination device when doing homework - or I watch ALL CAPS music videos in my down time. This has caused me to either A. Pick up a book before bed - which is awesome and I will definitely continue to do after Lent is over or B. find other sites to procrastinate with such as deadwhale.com where I play bubble spinner entirely too much. It's been tough but over all I am keeping my promise and it's gone well.

This week was Spring Break and honestly it's been SOO relaxing! I was joking with Laura tonight that I don't even remember what it's like to be in classes - and that's totally true. Tonight though - driving to Laura's house I wanted so desperately for it to be summer... I cannot believe it's only 66 days until London - only a little over 2 months! But more than that - I want to get to summer where I have time to just go on adventures with Laura, bum around Stillwater, hang out on the boat - NOT wear winter coats!! I would even settle for it being spring - I LOVE spring at CSB - it's so pretty and everyone goes out in cute skirts and we all do our homework outside! It's seriously WONDERFUL! and I cannot wait.

I spent a few days this week volunteering in my friend's mom's 1st grade classroom and let me just say - that completely reminded me why I want to be a teacher so badly. I love my college classes and my practicums but sometimes the end goal gets lost in the sea of homework and papers and other pointless classes. She has such an amazing group of students and I hope to one day be half the teacher she is! The whole week made me excited for 2 weeks when I start my reading practicum up again with the 2nd graders. It will be a serious change from 5th grade. In the end I actually loved the group of students I was working with but I am much more comfortable with lower elementary grades and that is what I am most passionate about.

As an update on my last post - no I haven't gotten the chance to have that conversation with that person. We'll see if it ever happens.

I should probably head to bed now - I am getting up early to have coffee with Laura so that should be fun but it will come very soon!

Love to all,
Chrissy

Days until London: 66
Doctor Who Episode: season 3 episode 9 - "Blink"
Shots of Espresso: 25

Forgiveness

So I had this really funny post being written but I guess I have something more important to talk about - forgiveness.

I know that I've been preachy lately but there were good reasons behind it - but today I have a different message. I was sitting at a concert tonight - Tyrone Wells - and it was absolutely amazing - but the final song he sang as an encore. He turned off the mic and stepped out of the spot light to sing right in front of us. He sang a song about giving forgiveness because you never know what your life will be tomorrow and if you die and walk over a bridge - who would you want to be waiting there for you. I don't' want to go through life angry - that's just not who I am.... and it really hit home - bringing tears to my eyes because it's so true, I'm going to put all the lyrics down below but check out Tyrone Wells because all of his music is amazing and inspired - I went on Itunes right away and bought a ton of it. I honestly pray that I remain with this mind set. I don't want to regress. I've really been thinking about this topic since Wednesday - on Ash Wednesday the gospel and homily was all about forgiveness and I knew I would eventually write a post about this but Tyrone pushed me to. Before the concert began I got to meet him because I am a part of the group that sponsored him coming to our campus and his is such a sweet, genuine person - as well as an amazing person. So now I will leave you with his amazing and inspiring words.

When all is said and done
And I'm looking back upon this race I've run
And when my heart gives in
I know you'll be beside me precious friend
It's just the same from the beginning to the end
When all is said and done

And if I lose my way
And I wander down this open road for days
And if the sun should fall
And the dancing we once did becomes a crawl
Let the momories move like shadows on the wall
If I lose my way

When I'm coming home
And I walk across the brisge of death alone
I will fix my eyes on the one whos waiting at the other side
It's my old friend with countless others there beside
When I'm coming home
When I'm coming home

When all is said and done
And I'm looking back upon this race I've run
And when my heart gives in
I know you'll be beside me precious friend
It's just the same from the beginning to the end
When all is said and done
When all is said and done
~Tyrone Wells - "When All Is Said and Done"

Love and Hugs to All,
Chrissy

Days until London: 81
Doctor Who Episode: season 3 episode 9 - "Blink"
Shots of Espresso: 20

Random Lyrics and a Quote

I forgot to put lyrics on the last post but the lyrics really need their own post so here's you goes!

Did I say something stupid?
There goes one more mistake
Do I bore you with my problems?
Is that why you turn away?
Do you know how hard I tried
To become what you want me to be?
~Allison Iraheta - "Scars"

So I have been in LOVE with her music since Tyler Oakley mentioned her in a fiveawesomegays video the other day - I had totally forgotten about her! I also love the song "Robot Love". Also there is a quote that has struck me lately:

The only reason people hold on to memories so tight
is because they are the only things that don't change,
when everything & everyone else does.
~Anonymous

Yes these do pull into my life quite well. I sent a mistake text last night and it took a lot to not just keep texting the person - it comes so 2nd nature. And I miss him... but i can't put myself in that situation.

OH and you already got the counts so I'm not going to repost them ;)

Math Sucks

I know that it seems all I do is complain and vent on this blog lately and for that I apologize but I need to get this out so I don't freak out.

I hate my tenth grade honors geometry teacher. He completely screwed me over. I believe that teachers are supposed to nurture their studetn's learning and help them when they struggle - especially when they fail. Instead my teacher told me that I wasn't trying - and when I went for help - either wan't there or didn't give me other ways to understand the problems. He even told my parent's that I never asked for help and that I didn't try in his class and that's why I was doing so poorly. The opposite was true and I ended up getting in trouble with the parents. From then on math and I never had a good relationship. I had terrible nightmares about failing the class. After I finally did pass the class I never took another regular math class - did take stats but that's a different type of math.

Basicallly today I had to do geometery in my college level math class and that confusion and helpless feeling came right back... I dont' know. I just don't konw how I'm going to hold it together this unit if I don't even get the basics... I guess I will just have to wait and see...

Well off to take my math test - hopefully this will go well so I have leeway with this next chapter.

Much Love and Hugs,
Chrissy

Days until London: 84
Doctor Who Episode: season 3 episode 9 - "Blink"
Shots of Espresso: 16

Positives Are Pulling Me Through

She said I won the battle but I lost the war,
And now my head is sore,
And if I try and sail back in she's gonna push me from the shore,
Now I wont ever get the time or day,
No way no way no,
Not from what I said but from what I didn't say
~The Script - "If You See Kay"

I've been waiting to write this post for a while. Now I could give you the whole - I've been too busy excuse - which is partially true. But more likely it's the - I have no idea how to word this post.

I've been really hurt the last couple of weeks but something really good seems to have come out of if. Is it possible that I've grown a backbone?? I mean seriously. This person is the one person I used to no be able to get mad at. I was so used to apologizing - even when it wasn't my fault but for once I am perfectly happy with the way I handled it. Sure I miss him but you know what - if someone thinks that little of me and my feelings then maybe that person doesn't actually mean as much to me and he used to. While the simple lie by omission I would have probably gotten over - even the first excuse he gave I could have taken and eventually been okay with - after time.

But he made me into some incredibly selfish person when he described how he thought I would react. I want the best for my firends - no matter how it affects me and my friendship with them. And by the way - I have no idea why this thing he kept from me would have effected us. After two days I was done crying - if he thinks I'm that bad of a person then why is he even friends with me? Why keep up the charade - there's plenty of other people in my life that accept me the way I am and love me for it. Maybe the friendship we have is just in my head - the way I remember it in high school. Even up until break I would tell him everything I was thinking - or feeling - and maybe that was my downfall? Maybe he didn't actually care. But I could have taken that if he came out and said that to me.

I'm just kinda done - I've said that to my roommate Sarah a couple of times. I'm done apologizing for things that I didn't do. I'm done masking my emotions from people. I'm done crying over people who don't care about me. I'm just done.

If this person apologized - like really apologized - not just saying sorry - then maybe I would "get over it"? But for now I'm standing strong. And you know what - it feels really good to be the strong one for once. As much as it hurts - at least I have some form of control - I won't let myself be put back into a situation where I am kept in the dark again - if I can help it.

The sad thing is - some really great things have been happening in my life recently and I want to put them in here but i think they would be overshadowed by some of the other things I've said. So I will leave it at this - I leave for London and Paris in 95 days with one of my best friends - how much better does it get? My roommate and I are closer than ever. My best friend from grade school Laura and I are hopefully seeing each other this weekend and she is coming up to stay for the weekend soon. I'm going home this weekend to just hang with my family. My birthday is in 24 days. And I found the perfect internship for the summer. I'm focusing on the positives from now on. End of story.

Much love and hugs to all,
Chrissy


Days until London: 95
Doctor Who Episode: season 3 episode 7 - "42"
Shots of Espresso: 12

Anxiety

I haven't had this bad if an anxiety attack in a long time and can hardly hit the keys but I want to get this out. One of my best friends lied to me. sure maybe it was by omission but you know what - that fucking hurts.
I can't even begin to state...

So I called the other bff and got out my aggression. I'll talk with him tomorrow... I guess... If he actually picks up the damn phone for once.

I just want to say how greatful I am to my roommate who stayed up WAY past her bedtime keeping my mind off the other friend. she is amazing and can always make me laugh.

My anxiety attack is going down so I'm gonna take an advil and try to sleep.

Until tomorrow,
Chrissy

Days until London: 111
Doctor Who Episode: season 3 episode 7 - "42"
Shots of Espresso: 6


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Life Unexpect on the CW

You can rest easy tonight
Everything is gonna be alright, I promise
Go to sleep and dream of me tonight
Everything may not be perfect, but at least we tried
~Chase Coy "Lullaby"

So I wasn't going to write this blog post but I guess it just needs to come out:

Tonight I watched Life Unexpected on the CW. If you don't know the premise it is about a girl who was put up for adoption as a baby and went through the foster system and at age 15 goes looking for her birth parents.

Now this may not seem like a great premise for a whole tv show (maybe a movie though) - and I had my doubts but honestly I can see a really good story developing.

But most importantly Life Unexpected made me so grateful but my good experience through the adoption process. I never had to go through foster care and get passed between families. I have had my family since I was just a few days old and for that I thank God. Sure there are times that I can't stand my family and there are definitely times that I wonder about my birth parents but I wouldn't' change me life if I had the chance. I am the person I am today because of my experiences and for that i am eternally grateful.

I'll try to write more tomorrow between classes but for now I am off to bed.

Much Love and Hugs,
Chrissy

Days Until London: 112
Episode of Doctor Who: Season 3 Episode 7 "42"
Shots of Espresso This Year: 6

Stupid Meddling Boys

Overall it's been a busy week but seriously today was just frustrating. My socio class was pretty boring and after a frustrating math class all I wanted to do was get back to my room. I walked out of class and ran into one of my friends from my block last semester (who i also happened to like for a good portion of the semester) but it was going to be nice to just catch up. And up walks my other REALLY obnoxious friend who decided it would be brilliant to act like a six year old and do the whole ___ and Christine sitting in a tree... Yeah... that was fun and awkward. It would have been fine if he had left but then he proceeded to walk right between us and create an entirely new conversation about himself. I was only really pissed cause I hadn't gotten a chance to talk to my friend all semester and the one chance I had was totally blown... so basically I am super pissed.

This was the point in the blog where I decided it would be a better plan to just walk away. So I called my parents and talked to them some more about planning my trip to Paris with my friend Jenna. My roomie got back and we decorated for valentines day (I know it's really early but we have super cute new window clings we just bought at target and felt the need to begin to use). I watched an episode of Glee until Jenna got back.

We basically decided we needed to destress after the first week of school so we headed out to Granite City for some burgers and then off to Coldstone for ridiculously awesome ice cream :). The night ended with us watching both Tarzan and Sleeping Beauty. And a few episodes of Say Yes to the Dress (our guilty pleasure).

So a day that could have been totally ruined was saved by my awesome friend whom I love! Now Sarah is in bed so I should probably head up there. She is leaving for the cities tomorrow morning early so hopefully I'll be able to fall back asleep. Also I filmed a whole video on Wednesday but have yet to post it to youtube. Need to do that tomorrow as well.

Much Love and Hugs,
Chrissy

Days Until London: 115
Episode of Doctor Who: Season 3 Episode 6 "The Lazaruth Experiment"
Shots of Espresso This Year: 4

New Semester Here I Come!

All this beauty;
You might have to close your eyes
And slowly open wide
All this beauty;
We traveled all night
We drank the ocean dry
And watched the sun rise...
~The Weepies - "All This Beauty"

So yes I know that I had all these grand plans of blogging and vlogging over break and yes I am very aware that neither really happened other than my project for awesome video. But I can honestly say that the break from technology was actually a really good idea and left my all the more energized to devote more time to this blog in the new year!

FIrst off the new semester has just started. At this point I have had all my new classes and I can honestly say I like 3 out of the 4. I was pleasently suprised by my intro to sociology class today. While it seems like an interesting class, the professor seems great too! She is a really funny little English lady :D. I also am a big fan of my schedule on these days cause I have a nine forty class then a two hour break and then a TERRIBLE math class but at least it's the last class of the day. I am gonna just pretend that class doesn't exist. Seriously when a math prof walks into a room full of elementary education majors and goes on a rant about how rude the things elem ed majors are... that pisses me off. Oh well. My even day classes are MUCH more my speed. I am taking one of my fav profs from last semester again and he is amazing for my methods class about teaching writing and reading. My comm class has potential but we will see.

So in other news... break was pretty good. I spent a lot of time with the fam just relaxing which was really what I needed. I also went to Chicago which was super fun. New Years wasn't super eventful but I went to the Wild game with Michael and then we went back and he killed me a couple dozen times on Call of Duty 2. Also go to see Jenna and Brad that night which was sooo much fun! I can't believe how much I missed that girl!

I am now back at college. I really missed my friends here and having someone just around the corner to talk to. I love my fam but college is amazing.

OH also I read a great book over break called the Genius Instruction Manuel. It was editted by John Green so I knew it would be hilarious but it was even better than I thought. I brought it on my trip to Chicago and actually managed to read 2/3rds of it on the plane ride there. I love random facts and this is what the book is all about. I completely recommend it for anyone who loves random interesting tidbits or wishes they new a little more about everything!

So now I am going to finish my hot chocolate and prepare myself for a statistics filled math class... boooo. I will write again soon - probs on friday - same time same place ;).

Much Love and Hugs,
Chrissy

Days Until London: 118
Episode of Doctor Who: Season 3 Episode 5 "Daleek Evolution"
Shots of Espresso This Year: 4

P.S. I am going to try to keep track of shots of espresso and the number of books I read this year. At the moment I am reading A Sweet and Far Thing but it is 800 pages so that is why I don't have that category up yet. Also I will be changing my blog layout VERY soon so look out for that!